What to Wear as a Wedding Guest
Being invited to the wedding of friends and family gives you a chance to watch the happy couple make a commitment to each other and join them in celebrating their day. However, if you are not part of the bridal or groom’s party and are invited as a guest, there is a certain element of etiquette that you really need to follow, especially when it comes to your outfit for the day. It’s important to respect the wishes of those getting married while being careful not to upstage anyone. You need to think of yourself as a supporting actress and certainly not a star in any way, so let’s have a look at the important rules.
Consider the Dress Code
The first clue should be in the invitation; it has become almost routine to include information about the dress code. Traditional dress codes range from black tie, which is about as formal as it gets to smart casual at the other end of the scale.
- Black tie: you should receive further instructions if your hosts are having a black-tie wedding, but generally, they are expecting women to wear either a ballgown or a little black dress.
- White tie: this is a step-down, but you should still be formal and dressy; consider something like an evening gown and a tied back up-do for your hair.
- Cocktail: cocktail dresses finish at the knee, and women traditionally should wear high heels, but obviously, if you can’t, pretty flats would be acceptable.
- Smart Casual: Trouser suits, a long skirt, shirts and blouses or even a pretty dress. Smart casual is as it sounds, but avoid jeans, leggings and trainers at all costs.
If the dress code is particularly important, they will be elaborating on the invitations. For example, if they have a purple-themed colour or even a themed wedding. But in most cases, if there is no dress code stipulated, smart casual is the minimum and dressing up as far as black tie would be considered over the top. You can always seek clarification from other guests or even approach the couple themselves if you are concerned.
White is a Big No
Most brides choose to get married in white or Ivory, and therefore guests should avoid white at all costs. You risk stealing focus or being mistaken by the bride in the distance by relatives or friends who haven’t seen her for a long time, which is mortifying. You would’ve thought it goes without saying, but there are plenty of stories of the bride being upstaged and even cases of other guests turning up in a dress that could only be described as a wedding gown. Obviously, you could wear a white top with a different coloured skirt, but full-length white dresses are a huge faux pas and should be avoided at all costs.
If you are attending a summer wedding, you will find that a lot of dresses are white-based, and this is fine, provided they have a pattern or a floral print and are not plain cream, Ivory or white.
All Black is Also Out
Wedding etiquette would also prohibit all-black outfits as this is a colour traditionally linked to funerals and morning. Some couples do not have an issue with black, but again they would likely elaborate on this on the invite and confirm that black is welcomed. If it’s not mentioned, steer clear of black, if possible. For a smart casual event, especially in the autumn or winter months, one could wear black trousers, but the top half would need to be more colourful in the form of a blouse or jacket to break up the look. Vice versa, you could have a black top provided your skirt or trousers were more vibrant.
Consider the Season
Just because you have a stunning summer dress in your wardrobe, looking for an occasion, does not mean you should choose it for a winter wedding. You risk looking just as out of place as if you had worn all black. Dressing for the wrong season also means you could find yourself overheating or freezing while the pictures are being taken, and there is lots of standing around happening. For summer weddings, a pashmina is a great accessory that you can put to one side during the day and easily reach four in the evening when it gets chilly. Often if there is an element of outdoors at the reception, pashminas and rugs are provided for guests to ensure they don’t get cold sitting around having a chat and a drink.
Cover Up!
Another common wedding mistake that pulls attention away from the bride is showing too much flesh. Having a lovely figure is great, but this is not your day, so a barely-there dress ending midthigh with cleavage hanging out at the top is really not an appropriate wedding look. Good etiquette dictates that you should have something a little bit more conservative. Keep dresses and skirts to the knee and ensure your cleavage is under control and not likely to fall out of a neckline.
You might find yourself running after a wayward child or bending forward to pick up something you drop, so keeping it decent is a really good idea. You could wear a short jacket during the day, taking it off later, as the dancefloor during the evening-do is a more appropriate time to show a little flesh, but again remember you are at a wedding party, not in a nightclub.
The Ceremony Venue
This also applies to the venue for the wedding ceremony. In a church, it is not good etiquette to have their shoulders and arms. In a catholic ceremony, women would be expected to cover their shoulders and arms with a shawl. In a synagogue or an Arabic wedding, the hair and head would be covered. So, take into account where they will actually be getting married and make sure that your outfit can easily be adapted to work with specific dress codes in religious venues. Also, make sure that your skirt or dress is comfortable for sitting down and doesn’t ride up too far so that you end up fidgeting, trying to pull it back down.
Consider a Fascinator
If you have ever watched coverage of a royal wedding, you will see a huge range of hats and, more recently, fascinators. Hats have lost favour over the years as a wedding day accessory, it’s still quite common for the mother of the bride and mother of the groom to wear a hat, but otherwise, it’s potentially over the top unless there is a very formal black tie dress code.
Fascinators, on the other hand, are perfect for adding embellishment to the outfit, decorating the hair, and generally looking good. As with all advice relating to your wedding outfit as a guest, don’t steal focus, so don’t go over the top and have a huge fascinator that dominates everything. But there are plenty of smaller, understated fascinators that are incredibly pretty and will really complement an outfit. Alternatively, you could wear a statement headband, but stay clear of anything that resembles the bride's tiara.
Think About Footwear
Unless you are at the destination wedding on the beach, flip-flops are out. You should also avoid trainers and very heavy boots at winter weddings. Nude heels are absolutely perfect, and again, looking to the royal wedding is a very common choice for Kate Middleton and other members of the royal family as they know how effortlessly stunning and appropriate they are for the situation. Don’t wear very high heels if you’re not good at walking in them; instead, look for platforms or block heels, as they add height, but give you additional stability.
Also, consider how much time would be spent walking on grass or cobbles. Stiletto and narrow heels do look good, but you need to have an element of skill to avoid sinking into the grass or stumbling over cobbles in a churchyard. Flat shoes are perfectly acceptable if you really don’t want Hughes to try and pick some pretty ones rather than more office-type shoes. Finally, consider a pair of folding flat slippers that you can pop in your handbag and change out as the day goes on if you get tired of being in high heels. They are also great for the dancefloor at the end of a long day.
The Takeaway
So, there you have it; the most important thing to remember as a guest at someone else’s wedding is never to upstage the bride. This not only means you avoid wearing long white dresses but that you avoid drawing attention to yourself because your outfit is too revealing, too garish, or just too statement. It’s not your day, and it’s not about you; you are there to support your friends or family members. There are plenty of gorgeous options for weddings of all seasons, and if you start by checking the dress code and making sure you follow this and the other advice we have given, there will be no problem finding the perfect outfit.